Arguing with the ex

case: Two Minute Therapy

In this blog post, an example is given of the kind of issues that can be discussed through TwoMinuteTherapy. In this case: how to deal with a fight with your ex (and parent of your children). 

Psychologist and coach Jeannette Bolck created Two Minute Therapy. After an intake, clients leave a message on Whatsapp when they get stuck, after which Jeannette leaves them advice in return. Listen in on Mathilde (42), who’s in an argument with her ex.

“Hello Jeannette, I feel so stuck and I don’t know how to solve it. Jeroen was supposed to pick up the kids, but it’s already noon and Jeroen is nowhere to be found. Complete radio silence, no message, can’t be reached, nothing! I was supposed to go to Paris for my birthday with my friends. Such a lovely present of them. And now this. Now what? I even reminded him last week. He then already made a remark ‘sure, sure, just so their mum can whore around again.’ The kids were even there when he said it. I’m trying my best to keep them out of it, and I don’t tell them their dad is a cheater, while he’s with Babette.. Anyways. I’m so pissed off, he’s just trying to make my life miserable. Well, then I won’t let him see the kids, ever again! I’m quitting the mediation!”

“Hi Mathilde, I hope he showed up eventually. What a shame it’s all going this way, we had prepared it so well in your last session and I really hoped you would be able to enjoy yourself with your friends in Paris. Of course you’re furious. This is making you feel helpless. Try not to make any rash decisions or say things he can use against you later. You’re going to have to go through these steps with the mediator or with a lawyer present. Perhaps you can mention at the next session with the mediator that it’s going to be the last session because there is no trust? Discuss with a lawyer what the rights and obligations are in relation to your children and their dad. Unfortunately the guy who’s hurting you is the father of your children. It’s obviousely clear that you shouldn’t let him ruin your fun and depend on his willingness to take care of the children. Apparently he’s using that to have power over you. Unfortunately the kids are also suffering. Next time you should get a babysitter or your parents, so you’ll feel more independent and he’ll notice he has less influence on you. Setting limits and not getting yourself blackmailed through the kids is the hardest part, I understand that Mathilde. Let’s talk Wednesday about how you can move on with the least damage. Feel free to app this weekend if you need to. Bye.”

Website: Two Minute Therapy